Emotional Spending
Not being able to engage in retail therapy right now SUCKS.
Due to recent poor choices, I have been feeling really SHITTY. I'm trying not to be too hard on myself but I'd be lying if I didn't say I was really disappointed in myself. I had been doing so well.
Anyway, it also sucks not having a Valentine. Valentine's Day to me is a big deal. It just is. I'm tired of defending why. And this year (again) I don't have a Valentine. Unless my dog counts.
When I feel sad, I want to buy things. Anything. And I actually did buy something online today, although it was paid for with a giftcard that I had gotten for Christmas. I got an LL Bean bookbag for only $12.95 and free shipping. Since I'm no longer spending money on public transportation and I'm walking to work, I wanted a comfortable bag to carry my stuff in. For some unbelievable reason, my mother threw out all of my and my sister's backpacks that we used in college. Grrrrr. I've gotten very tired of using my Whole Foods bag to carry all of my crap to work in. It's not very comfy.
I found myself staring at my computer screen at work today thinking about how normally I would have jetted over to the Gap or some other stupid store and bought some new clothes. Or over to this adorable little Dog Boutique and gotten Dash a valentine's day gift.
But I didn't. And I didn't know what to do with myself. This reminds me of how I felt when I stopped drinking when I was feeling down. Now I see that I just substituted that for shopping. So now that I'm not doing that, what the hell else do I do? Dealing with emotions head on really SUCKS.
It's been a few days now that I've been in this blue funk, a funk that is a direct result of my encounter with not-so-Mr.-Wondeful. I need to pull myself out of this and fast. Otherwise it'll become a vicious cycle.
Okay. So let's focus on some positive things:
1. I got on the list to do night court this saturday - for only 3 hours worth of work I'll make $175 after taxes
2. I just finished some work for someone and that should net me anywhere between $1500-2500.
3. I didn't buy anything today despite feeling lousy!!!!!
4. I have continued to stick with my budget and bring my lunch to work.
5. I will have $1000 tommorrow to pay towards my credit card balance.
6. I have an ING CD that will mature at the end of the month that I can cash out and put towards my debt.
7. I've become better friends with someone at work who I've always wanted to be better friends with.
8. I managed to return all of my library books on time and not incur a late fee (this is a feat in and of itself)
9. I have off on Monday for President's Day!
10. All new LOST tonight! Wahoo!
11. Today I finally got to meet the man who had been incarcerated for 8 years for a homicide he didn't commit - and I'm the lawyer who won his case on appeal and got him released. Value: Priceless.
That helped a bit, I think.
Comments
I tried emotional spending, but ended up with a lot of clutter, and no real satisfaction. Now I try to think about needs and wants and that helps. Also I have adopted the one thing in and one thing out rule. Deciding what to shed to get that thing often makes me stop the spending. I also developed new interests - blogging! - and went back to old ones - photography- and renewed friendships. I also stopped chasing the career train. I have not been happier than I am now, ever in my life. Not that there aren't lots of bumps around me, but I am happy with the person I am becomming.
For item 11 may I say CONGRATULATIONS! If you achieve nothing more in your entire life, you have achieved more than most people do in a lifetime! To give someone back their life is an incredible gift. You should be given a parade! Bless you.